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Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Entire East Side Falling Apart!

Cranes collapsing! Threatened power outages! Scary parades full of rowdy Spanish-speaking people! Manhattan's East Side is a veritable third-world country this week! Now, our Midtown East correspondent Ray Wert reports that, uh, "boulder-sized pieces of buildings" are falling from his apartment onto cars below. Seriously! A piece fell onto a BMW 3-Series (he edits Jalopnik, you know). His only advice is to avoid both the area and East Coast Restoration. MORE DETAILS HERE. WE WILL UPDATE AS THE SITUATION WARRANTS. STAY INDOORS. DRINK PLENTY OF FLUIDS. IMAGE OF THE DISASTER HERE AND BELOW.

Reading Cosmo is Like Having Quinn Morgendorffer Stand On Your Neck

Maybe it's the "beachy" weather. But something about this month's Cosmo blew out our enthusiasm clutches, making it suddenly difficult to type exclamation points or read anything in the magazine without hearing it in the voice of Daria. It's all Tracie's fault, for clipping the episode where Daria takes down the fictional Val magazine. You try watching it, only to sit down and read advice like "Invent a holiday that gives you an excuse to chow down on your favorite guilty pleasures, like First Friday Cookiefest, Cinco de Nachos, or Ice cream Brownie Sundays." (What, no pun with that?) Or how about: "Keep a set of beer mugs in your freezer. Never underestimate the amount of love and appreciation that an icy, frothed brew on a hot summer day inspires." Now, usually we'd be thinking "damn right I could use a beer right now!" But not today, probably because Daria was straightedge. After the jump, our inner Daria tries her hand at Cover Lies, and probably fails. To be honest, she doesn't particularly care.